


While you were away.

by Mikhail0_Aleksandr_Milkovich



Series: The journal [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-26 20:47:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10794483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mikhail0_Aleksandr_Milkovich/pseuds/Mikhail0_Aleksandr_Milkovich
Summary: I'm sorry





	While you were away.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry

Since Mickey had went to prison and Ian was taking his meds daily, Fiona had suggested that Ian write in a "journal like" notebook. Ian had no idea what to write in it, So Debbie had suggested he write to Mickey. Like a letter type thing. Ian started writing in it daily, after he took his medication. 

 

"Mickey: I'm so sorry that I left you the way that I did. Sammi was chasing you, and I had felt nothing. These fuckin' meds... they are fucking me up, really bad. I.. I can't feel anything. I smile when I'm supposed to, I laugh when I'm supposed to, but I don't feel anything at all.. everything is just, blank. 

 

I truly know that what I did was really fucked up, but I don't really remember much.. Fiona says that in a couple weeks that my meds will balance, and I'll "be back to my old self" whatever that means.. I'm kinda just, here.. I can't feel anything, even on my birthday. Everyone was smiling, and laughing, and giving me cheap dollar store presents, and cake, and everyone was drinking. I kinda just sat on the couch and spaced out, everything was really a blur. 

 

I keep being told about everything that happened with you and Sammi, and why you went back to prison. I don't really recall anything still, yet I was told I hurt you, really badly. I'm sorry for that, even though I can't really feel it. Did.. did I actually break up with you..? It's all still really fuzzy. I hope prison isn't too bad, and I bet you'll be out in no time considering the past. I'm always numb, I just want to sleep all day. I'm still working as an EMT, but I'm not sure how much longer they'll keep me. Everyone I work with say that I keep zoning out, and that I should take a month vacation to sort out my meds. Yevgeny is getting bigger I think, he kind of looks more like you now. 

 

The last time I saw him was about two months ago, but Svetlana wouldn't let me touch him. She showed up to show me him, but I don't really remember any conversations we had. I've mostly just stayed in the bedroom, sleeping and writing in this stupid journal. The next day I never really remember what I had written, so I may have repeated a couple things. I'm not really sure though. 

 

Everyone kind of ignores me, except when Debs or Carl come upstairs to give me my meds and my breakfast. Fiona is really busy with whatever job she has now, and I have no idea where Lip has gone. I think he's trying to get back into the college or something, I can't remember. 

 

Anyways, I should probably go. The sun is starting to rise, and I don't know what time it is. I've kind of just, ignored an actual time schedule, I just sleep, eat, take meds, and write. That's pretty much all I've been doing from what I can recall. Bye Mick.

\- Ian Gallagher"

 

Everyday Ian wrote to Mickey, just talking about everything that he could remember from the day. It would be random stuff, like about a flower he saw, or how the pancakes were fluffier, and the orange juice had extra pulp. Ian always wondered if Mickey would ever see the journal, or even read it. No matter what, Ian always wrote to Mickey. Ian asked Debbie how long Mickey was in prison for, but Debs wouldn't reply, she just said she had to take care of Franny. 

 

Months have gone by, and the Medication still makes Ian hazy. A little less hazy than before, but still hazy. He still writes in that damned journal, but now the pages are being filled daily and the leather is starting to wear. Ian never really cared, he just knew that writing in it everyday was helping him remember everything that has happened. The details in the writing has a lot more depth, and Ian talks more about how he misses Mickey, and how he is lonely without him. 

 

"Mickey, I really miss you. It's really lonely here, nobody still pays me any attention. I still have the same routine, and nothing has changed. Jimmy-Steve is back, but Fiona is ignoring him. I think he got shorter, but I can't really tell because I hardly see him. Yevgeny is starting to walk, and he's starting to actually form words. Svetlana has started letting me see him more often, now that I'm medicated. I'm allowed to hold him now, and he's gotten huge. 

 

Lip has been gone for months, I have no idea where he went. He had a bit of a breakdown, I'm not sure what about though. I just know I saw him pack and leave. Franny is crawling, and Debs has a new boyfriend. I don't know his name, I just know he's really tall. Mandy came and saw me, she has gotten so beautiful. I miss her too. She, she started crying when she saw me though, I don't know why, I was kind of really drugged up. 

 

I think Mandy misses you, Mick. She's been missing. I.. I don't know what happened.. Lip came back, saw Mandy and started yelling and crying. All I heard was screaming and crying, and a door slammed. I didn't bother asking, considering I know he would've just ignored me. Fuck man, I really miss you. These meds are making me so, clueless. I miss the old me, the real me. And I miss you too. Fuck, I love you Mick. I'm so sorry I couldn't do more to help, I'm really sorry. 

-Ian Gallagher"


End file.
